i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
