There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She just used a chaser for red wine.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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