dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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