If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
