one might say we're banned from that church
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
