He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
