As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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