'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Drunk is not a location!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
