turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Did we literally take a cab across the street
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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