Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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