I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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