i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
oh god the rape fog is back!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
