White coat. Heels.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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