Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
