Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This baby is an asshole
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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