Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
