hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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