if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
