i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
