does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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