You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
