I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
