Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he high fived his dick after we had sex
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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