She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
