if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
