Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
