Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
