Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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