I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
