i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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