chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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