And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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