how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
