I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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