Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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