I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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