yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
