i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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