bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
