Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
