can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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