I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
