I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
