i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
