phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
