if i can run in heels then i can drive
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
