I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
