I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
