You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
