Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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