Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
