you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
