If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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