My boss' voice literally gives me gas
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize