and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
