My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
