**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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