Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
