Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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