I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
