he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
