I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
