Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
