i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
