I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
