Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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