I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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