marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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