just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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