I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize